The Stories We Tell About Birth

Have you ever noticed that some people LOVE to share their negative/dramatic birth stories whether you asked them to or not? While people who have positive births largely keep the stories to themselves? What’s that all about?! As someone who has had a very positive birth, I have definitely caught myself holding back sharing my story for fear of making anyone feel bad about their own birth. But actually, I think the more we share positive stories, the better! We need to undo the pervasive negative narrative that sounds birth in Western culture, if we are going to take steps towards more people having positive births.

If you are pregnant and preparing for the birth of your own baby, it’s really important to understand what beliefs - conscious and unconscious - you have about birth so that there is nothing that could hold you back during labour. Have a think about:

What messages have you received about birth?
What stories have people in your family + social circle told you?
How do your parents describe your birth?
What images have you seen in the media?

Programmes like One Born Every Minute, films and other TV shows primarily show dramatic and dramatised versions of birth. This narrative feeds into fear and de-normalises birth. Stop watching anything that shows birth negatively!

You can chose to search out POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES - there are thousands, you just have to look for them. YouTube, ask your friends, Google, follow accounts on social media that share real life positive births and then read, watch and digest the fact that although birth is hard, intense and sometimes scary, it does not need to be a negative experience.

Don’t be afraid to hold up your hand or walk away if someone tries to tell you a negative birth story. Create your own magic little bubble of (realistic) positivity. If someone does routinely talk about their negative birth, remember it is not about you - they may have unresolved birth trauma and would benefit from getting professional help.

Birth Prep Activity

Divide a sheet of paper into 3 columns with the headings Positive, Neutral, Negative. Write down some key words about the stories you've heard or seen about birth. Include previous births, fertility + gynecological experiences that impact how you feel about birth (e.g. miscarriage, stillbirth, birth trauma, endometriosis, needle phobia - anything you think is relevant).

If your negative list of words is much longer than your positive list then start seeking out positive birth stories and let them seep into your mind. You could also spend some time learning about the normal physiology of birth and what you can do to encourage it.